The Thorns s/t
Matthew Sweet, Edwin McCain, and Pete Droge do their best Crosby, Stills & Nash impression, but all the folksy harmonies in the world can't save this one. If that's the sound you're after check out The Jayhawks "Rainy Day Music." See Rule #6

Rooney s/t
"Blue Side" seemed like harmless, sunshiny fun when I heard it. Of course now I realize what silly, repetitive schlock-passed-off-as-indie-pop it really is. Shame on me. See Rules #1, #8

Jet "Get Born"
Did those iPod commercials get you too? "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" is a lot of fun and could have been the Kinks long lost #1 hit. See Rules #1, #8

Beastie Boys "To The 5 Boroughs"
The Beasties are officially old and they sound it here. For die-hard fans and deep collectors only. See Rules #7, #9

Ataris "So Long, Astoria"
This band was better in 1995 when it was Green Day. Too bad Green Day is still making better records than this. See Rule #8

Jimmy Eat World s/t
As reassuring as the chorus to "The Middle" may be, everything will not be just fine if this is what you're listening to - needlessly stern and vapid all at once. Amazing. See Rules #1, #8

U2 "Pop"
I owned this cd for the 24 hours it took me to get it home, listen to it, eat, sleep, go to work and return it on my way home. See Rules #7, #9

Luna "Puptent"
This band was supposed to be good, and occassionally was. This album never was. See Rule #10

Radiohead "Pablo Honey"
Anyone who knows Radiohead for their avant-atmospheric pop opus spanning "Ok Computer" to "Hail to the Thief" be warned... this is all jangly, unsophisticated 90s guitar noise, which they didn't get right until their sophomore disc "The Bends." Skip this and go straight to "Kid A." Rule #9

Polyphonic Spree "The Beginning Stages of the Polyphonic Spree"
Drugs! (see review) See also Rules #1, #8

Mooney Suzuki "Electric Sweat"
This album single handedly pushed the NY garage scene from vitally relevant to passe. Ironic since they'd been doing it longer than most, just not better. See Rule #8

Ryan Adams "Rock-n-Roll"
For irony to work it has to be either intentional or funny. There is no evidence of either here. This confirms my fear that he is a drunken poser with ADD masquerading as an Americana Prodigy rather than the reverse. See Rule #9

The Vines "Highly Evolved"
Pretentious snarling youth playing upbeat Nirvana toss-offs as if it were the most important thing in the whole fucking world but they still don't care. You can't have it both ways, boys. See Rule #8

Weezer s/t (green album)
I still want to like this, but I just can't. If you must support the Weez, as I must, "Maladroit" is the better of their new offerings. See Rule #9

Dinosaur, Jr. "Without a Sound"
"Feel the Pain" was an anthem of its time, unfortunately the rest of the album is just plain painful. See Rule #10

Jewel "Pieces of You"
Between the junior high diary entries she calls lyrics, the yodeling and her six-year-old-but-sexy intonation this is a difficult listen made all the worse since she decided to become a sex-pot. See Rule #8

Filter "Short Bus"
"Hey Man, Nice Shot" is a good song to start a fist fight to, but there's only so much pointless synth-guitar crunch a person can take. Nine Inch Nails for frat guys, the worst of both worlds. See Rules #1, #10

Republica “Ready To Go”
The title track is a sporting promoter / ad agent’s wet dream – all adrenaline and optimism with Spice Grrrl vocals to punch up the sex appeal. I guess it worked on me, I was Ready To Go, but the rest of the disc wasn’t. See Rule #1

Lo-Fidelity Allstars “How To Operate With a Blown Mind”
“…tell me, is it time to get down; on your mutherfuckin’ knees…” They stuttered out the “M.F.” on FM for the only clean version made to sound better than the original. Another electro-dance hit you’ve heard on every car commercial not featuring Moby. See Rule #8

The Hives “Veni Vidi Vicious”
Another victim of the quick burning 2002 garage-glam scene. They keep yelling and yelling but I just don’t care anymore. See Rule #8

Def Leppard “Adrenalize”
“Hysteria” may have been the soundtrack to my junior year of high school but a lot changes in two years. Def Leppard didn’t change. See Rule #2, #9

Veruca Salt “Eight Arms to Hold You”
See Rule #4

Alice in Chains “Jar of Flies”
See Rule #5 (a) “unplugged” clause

Six Pence None the Richer s/t
I bought this for their version of “There She Goes” to use on our wedding video. Turns out the videographer had a copy. Now I can never get rid of it or I’ll jinx my marriage. See Rule #1

Ben Folds Five “Naked Baby Photos”
See Rule #5 (b)

Lou Reed “Magic and Loss”
Weird and dour, even for him. See Rule #7, #10

The Verve Pipe s/t
“Heroes” somehow bore its way into my favor, the rest is flat as the dissected frog on the cover. See Rules #1, #8, #10

Paul Westerberg “Eventually”
This is what happens when good artists get lazy and/or abuse chemicals. A very disappointing follow-up to “14 Songs” which is actually very good. See Rules #7, #9

Meat Puppets “No Joke”
Seriously, you’re gonna call it “No Joke?” Lousy follow-up to the almost come-back album “Too High to Die.” The drugs take their toll. See Rule #7, #10

Elastica “The Menace”
See Rule #4

For albums you might expect to see here but don't check out my Guilty Pleasures.

Lists are culled from my personal library and reflect what I listen to, so there are likely to be a few key omissions. If you feel I have overlooked something of great importance or have given your favorite artist short shrift I'd love to hear about it. Better yet, send me the album. Actually in this case, keep it. An email will suffice