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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

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The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod's. It works well, but isn't as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that's not an issue, but if you're planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod's larger screen and better browser may be important.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

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It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Why don't you write books people can read?

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

The truth is more important than the facts.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

I am continually looking online for ideas that can help me. Thanks!

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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Howdy would you mind sharing which blog platform you're working with? I'm looking to start my own blog in the near future but I'm having a difficult time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I'm looking for something completely unique. P.S Apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

I’ve been in similar situations before. It is not as easy an answer as you thought it is, its something that you’ll have to write out for yourself over time.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Aloha!

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Hello!

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

I found your entry interesting thus I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog …

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Great write-up, I am regular visitor of one’s website, maintain up the nice operate, and It is going to be a regular visitor for a lengthy time.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

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I completely agree with you on that one!

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

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The truth is more important than the facts.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

My spouse and I stumbled over here by a different web page and thought I might check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to looking over your web page yet again.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Hello!

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Aloha!

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Your home is valueble for me. Thanks!

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

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One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

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When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

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